naturalcure: (Default)
Isabel Marias ([personal profile] naturalcure) wrote in [personal profile] theheadmonarch 2016-08-31 06:36 am (UTC)

I know. But.

...

I haven't. Dueled like that. In a really long time. I haven't dueled as a pro, just...dueling for myself, for my own ambitions, in five years. The last time I did it was for the WRGP and when my team lost that...I. Kind of. Spiraled out of control. And. That's just what always happened to me when I dueled as a pro. I put all of myself into it, and I got so invested and it made me strong, but...when I lost big like that, it was like. I lost any sense of control I had over my life.

I managed to get a hold on myself and my emotions by becoming a Hunter, by fully embracing my role as a Signer...by dueling for other people first and foremost. And it's like...I've taken on a lot of extra responsibilities, but my life is a lot less crazy than it used to be. Because. I feel like I'm in control of myself, for the first time in my life.

I don't know if. Dueling as a pro again. Is healthy for me.

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